


Breathe

by jollllly



Category: The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals - Team StarKid
Genre: Comfort, Emma doesn't like cars, F/M, Fluff, Happy Ending, I'd call it fluff so, Paul is an incredible boyfriend, driving anxiety, i'm definitely projecting, soft, that's about it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-08
Updated: 2020-01-08
Packaged: 2021-02-27 03:21:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22170223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jollllly/pseuds/jollllly
Summary: Ever since learning about Jane, every time she stepped foot in a vehicle, she was on edge. She couldn’t explain it. It’s not like she was even there, but since then it was like she had suddenly become aware. Suddenly aware of the danger all around her. The hunks of metal traveling at high speeds directly next to each other, weaving in and out of lanes, speeding up and slowing down. And don’t even get her started on assholes who don’t use their fucking turn signals or who ride your ass if you’re not going 20 over the speed limit. Fuck off. She’d flip them off if she wasn’t too terrified to let go of the wheel.
Relationships: Paul Matthews/Emma Perkins
Comments: 8
Kudos: 42





	Breathe

**Author's Note:**

> this was therapeutic for me to write but may be triggering to those with similar anxieties and/or trauma dealing with cars and driving and accidents especially in the first part of this fic, so please tread carefully  
> there's nothing explicitly mentioned, just written in a way that may be triggering
> 
> i wrote this in one sitting so i have no clue if it's any good

It’s okay, deep breath, you’re fine, don’t worry, it’s all okay, just breathe, you’re okay, it’s fine, don’t worry, you’re all right

Emma’s hands closed into fists in her lap, arms tense with anxiety, her entire body stiff, ready for anything, ready to do something. Not that there’d be anything she could do. Not like she could use her reflexes to stop anything from happening as a passenger. But it’s not like she could relax, she didn’t know how to convince her body to do that. Not here. She was over-alert. Ears tuned to the outside world, eyes wide open, frequently darting around, taking note of every surrounding, every change, every movement.

God, she hated cars.

Ever since learning about Jane, every time she stepped foot in a vehicle, she was on edge. She couldn’t explain it. It’s not like she was even there, but since then it was like she had suddenly become aware. Suddenly aware of the danger all around her. The hunks of metal traveling at high speeds directly next to each other, weaving in and out of lanes, speeding up and slowing down. And don’t even get her started on assholes who don’t use their fucking turn signals or who ride your ass if you’re not going 20 over the speed limit. Fuck off. She’d flip them off if she wasn’t too terrified to let go of the wheel.

Even when she wasn’t the one driving it was still a journey full of anxiety. Some days were worse than others, but today was _bad_. She wasn’t sure why today was worse than any other day, but she could feel how her breathing had shifted as the cars around them began accelerating and, oh God, they began accelerating. Great, now we’re on a highway, fantastic.

Breathe, Emma, it’s all fine. You can trust Paul. He’s a safe driver. Nothing is going to happen to you.

Still, she was on alert. Her eyes stared ahead, noting every car she could see, calculating their movements.

Blue car in front, going faster than we are, switching to the left lane, good, now we have more distance behind the car in front of us. Emma was able to take a steadier breath as she continued to analyze their surroundings. She noticed movement in her periphery and glanced in the side mirror. Red car on the left, please see it, Paul, please see us, red car, please no one change lanes. They continued on, red car slowly fell further behind their car. Deep breath, you’re okay. Just look ahead. White car in front of us. White car that’s going slower than us. White car getting closer. Suddenly Emma’s left arm jerked towards Paul’s direction in her seat, hitting the center console with a soft thump. Her brain caught up with what had happened, realized no impact had occurred. Paul had seen the car and slowed down, still a very safe distance away. They didn’t hit them. They were fine. Oh God, she had made a sudden movement. Those were dangerous. What if she had hit Paul’s arm? What if she had distracted him and caused an accident? She hated her body’s nervous energy. Hated the effect cars had on her. Hated that she couldn’t even control her body anymore.

“It’s all right, Emma. I’ve got you. We’re almost home. Just breathe.”

Paul’s voice brought her out of her spiraling thoughts, and she began to consciously focus on her breathing.

He’s right. You’re fine. Just breathe. You can do this.

Paul glanced over at Emma in the passenger seat, hyper-focused, chest rising and falling in a steady, rhythmic pattern. All he wanted to do was comfort her, hold her, help her get out of her head, but that would have to wait. He didn’t dare touch her or offer his hand to squeeze, knowing it would make her even more anxious to realize he didn’t have both hands on the wheel. He would just have to talk her through it.

Soon after, they exited the highway, turning onto a more familiar street and traveling at a less terrifying speed. Emma was able to breathe a bit more easily now as they drove down the two-lane road. There were less cars around, so she didn’t need to focus so intensely. She shut her eyes and focused on trying to calm her brain.

The next few minutes passed easily enough. Paul humming along to whatever song was playing on the radio, saying anything that came to mind, just to give Emma something to focus on inside the safety of the car. Paul’s voice comforted Emma, and she was able to calm down enough to open her eyes and glance up at the man beside her.

God, I love him.

Paul felt her gaze and quickly took a second to glance over at her, a smile spreading across his lips as she caught him humming. His eyes returned to the road, and Emma smiled to herself. What a dork.

They soon pulled into a familiar parking lot, and at long last Paul turned off the car. Emma let out a deep breath and sunk into her seat, letting her head fall back against the headrest, finally able to relax after almost half an hour of constant, debilitating anxiety.

She just breathed for a few seconds before rolling her head over to her left to look at Paul. He was gazing at her lovingly and offered Emma an adorable smile before leaning over and giving her a kiss on her head. Emma grinned and allowed herself to live in that moment for just a bit longer before sitting up and unbuckling her seatbelt.

The couple made their way up to their apartment, and Emma finally felt free of her fears. She was home. After changing out of their uncomfortable work clothes the pair collapsed onto the couch, cuddling together after their long days.

Emma laid her head on Paul’s shoulder, and he brought his arms around her, hugging her to him. She took his hint and nuzzled into his side, grabbing one of his hands and holding onto it with both of her own. For a while the two just sat there together and breathed.

“Hey, Paul?” Emma asked, voice muffled as she refused to lift her head from his chest.

Paul was in a daze, tracing lazy circles on Emma’s back with his hand. “Yeah?”

“I love you so fucking much, you know that right?”

“Of course I do,” he squeezed her hand. “And you know I love you.”

“Mhm” Emma agreed comfortably as she cuddled, safe under his arm. It was so easy to feel at home there, with Paul. She squeezed his hand in return and sat up a bit, just enough to talk face-to-face. “I just want you to know that I trust you. And I’m sorry if it ever seems like I don’t, I just… fuck, it’s like I can’t control myself anymore when I step within ten feet of a parked car. And that kind of shit from earlier happens to me when anyone’s driving, but… but you make it better. You make it easier. And… I trust you.”

Paul stared at Emma, her eyeliner smudged, her cheek pink from laying against his chest, and somehow fell even more in love with the woman sitting before him.

“Thank you, Emma,” he truly didn’t know what to say. “I know it’s not something you can control, believe me, I know. And I’m not offended. I’m just glad I can be there for you and help you through this. I could never hold this against you.”

Emma’s eyes misted as she listened to Paul’s genuine understanding. God, she had never known anyone this accepting and couldn’t believe her luck. She kissed him, and he kissed back.

It’s okay, you’ve got Paul, he’s got you, don’t worry, you’re all right.

**Author's Note:**

> let me know what you think!
> 
> find me on tumblr @ billtedrights


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